After Slovenia, we were in a race against time to reach Munich to meet friends. This meant zipping through Austria as quick as possible, which turned out to be just dandy, because Austria is Über-expensive. Even our as-then diet of cold tinned lentils mixed with paprika and dried bread would be unaffordable in Austria.
Austria is riddled with hidden fees, tolls and costs. To travel on their main roads, you have to buy a sticker for your car that costs 30 Euros. Roads have barriers and toll booths slung across them wherever the road had cost that little bit more to build. Strange unexpected additions appeared on bills. A tiny cardboard tray of chips cost 3 Euros.
The good news is that Austria is the most beautiful country in Europe. Austria has greedily grabbed all the best bits of the Alps, ensuring actually breathtaking views from any given point. The mountains shoot out of the ground and tickle the sky with their needlepoint peaks. Austrians must have permanent cricks in their necks from spending so much time craning eyes up at them for a better look.
Pootling through the valleys, we became vaguely aware that something weird was surrounding us, but couldn't quite put our fingers on it. After a day of driving, we figured it out. The hillsides, the mountainsides, the farms, everything was kept in pristine condition, like a giant golf course, or a massive National Trust garden. We saw men mowing hillsides en mass. Austria is a country that likes everything just so.
It lent everything a creepy Twilight Zone feel. This was exacerbated when we were asked to pay 29 Euros - 29 Euros! - to travel down a mere 13 Km of Alpine road by a man in a toll booth. Gem pointed at our map. There was a road along the valley parallel to ours. 'How much is the toll along this road?' she asked.
"Oh - that one's only 10 Euros," he replied with a cheerful shrug. We jabbered incoherently, swung the car around, and drove to the valley that is apparently only worth 30% as much as the first one. After that nightmare toll experience, Austria had a final joke up it's sleeve: to get into Germany - that is, to get out of their country - you had to pay an 8 Euro toll fee to trundle a couple of kilometres through a tunnel.
We shoved money at the manically laughing woman in the booth and got the hell out of there before we had to sell blood to survive any longer.
